I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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