They should really pass out barf bags in church
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
