You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
