I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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