The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
