Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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