i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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