I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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