He uses pillows to masturbate.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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