you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
