dude i'm inner monologue high
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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