I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
