I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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