Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
