Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
