I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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