I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
