You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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