I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Randomize
