When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
