so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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