I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
