the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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