i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
