The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize