I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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