I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
