the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
