apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
