did you get engaged???
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
