Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
