Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
bring money and cleavage
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
