You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
