just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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