I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
