So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
