He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
