OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
