My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
