East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
