I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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