What did we do last night that was yellow?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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