We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
