Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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