You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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