She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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