Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
