Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
