i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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