I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
