Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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