my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
