You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
