He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
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hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
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WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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