if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Randomize
