Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
