Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
