Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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