Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You ruined the universe
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
