I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
