So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
