I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
whose ass print is on the piano?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have peed in a lot of sinks
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
