I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
