Your face is a jimmy john
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I AM VODKA MAN
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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